12 Ways to Find Lightness in Your Life

A long time ago I watched a film called Up In The Air (not the sweet Pixar film), where George Clooney played an emotionally detached corporate HR downsizer and also delivers motivational talks. One thing stuck with me - imagine putting every single thing in your life into a backpack, and then trying to lift it. Heavy as lead.

Imagine if those things you put it were your worries, and concerns, your roles and responsibilities, habits you haven’t gotten around to setting or breaking, deadlines, phone calls or messages you haven’t responded to, or emails clogging up your inbox. Imagine if they could all be placed on a scale and be measured - in the end, they literally weigh heavy on us, and for some, contribute to anxiety or feelings of overwhelm.

Lightness and ease are two things that change whatever we are doing enormously, and contributes to mental wellbeing. This is not to say that effort isn’t involved if we take a lighter path, or that there isn’t a time for dealing with difficult things. Think of a bird that soars through the sky, floating on air currents… at some point it has to land, and find food, build a nest, maybe go through a whole mating ritual. But there is balance there, with moments of magical floating through the stratosphere.

Weaving lightness and ease into our lives as a daily practice, can mean making some small changes, or some more substantial ones. We hold a great deal - from worries about our kids, families, about jobs, about whether we're doing enough, about the future, about health, what we earn or can afford, whether we are valued or not.... Some of it may seem small, but cumulatively it weighs us down, as much as it also just makes up life. 

Finding lightness is crucial to managing our mental health. Perhaps much of this you do already, but just in case, here are 12 ways to find lightness in your life (think of it like a tapas menu, so choose as many as you want).  

1. Check-in - Set aside 1 or 2 minutes as soon as you wake up for intentional stillness and to check in with yourself before you leap out of bed, so that you don't start the day in fight or flight mode.

2. Listen - Tune into your breath, maybe use that 1-2 mins in bed, or any time you want.  Your breath is like an internal radio station, telling you the weather, the news.  Let it inform you - if the breath is shallow or a little ragged, take 5-10 slow breaths through the nose (try in for a count of 4, and out for 6, or in for 2, out for 4 etc), and then move gently into your day.  If it's smooth and deep, you may be raring to go forth and move your body.

3. Move your body! Put on some tunes and dance, even sing, or do a short yoga video to energise.  This video is just 10mins long to get you moving - or jump into the video library and try these Radical Self Care flows (just 30mins).

4. Magic Suitcase - If you have a moment of feeling overwhelmed, close your eyes and visualise putting all your roles, responsibilities, lists of things to do into a big wheely suitcase, and pop it outside of the door for 5-10 mins while you take some slow, quiet breaths. 

Breathe right into the back body, where 60% of your lung tissue resides, to increase oxygen intake.  Pause at the top of the breath and hold for a beat or two, then hold at the bottom before you breathe in again, to build up your CO2 tolerance (tip - CO2 in the body actually helps the oxygen release process from the red blood cells into the muscles and organs)

5. Nourish - Eat foods that don't make you feel heavy or lethargic.  Thankfully we are moving into summer, so I am back to some favourite recipes - Vietnamese summer rolls are super easy to make, kale salad or orzo salad are popular favourites at home!

6. Connect and Laugh! Make plans to hang out with friends, or call. There really is medicine and healing in community. Sometimes you need to talk and share, or just be silly. If your friends aren’t around, make time to watch a funny movie - there’s a sense of lightness and being free when you can laugh fully and loudly till your tummy hurts!

7. Phone notifications - we live in a world where we are constantly available and bombarded with alerts - even if it’s just for an hour a day, switch your phone to silent, or better yet, go through your phone notifications in settings, and choose what pop ups you want. I also mute certain group WhatsApp groups to save myself from the constant pinging!

8. Lighten up -

9. Set boundaries - in work, in life - decide when you are available and when you need time to yourself. Make a diary date, an appointment for yourself and stick to it. If it feels stressful to do so, perhaps talk to the people in your life about needing some pockets of time to refill your cup. If we don’t communicate our needs, others won’t be aware of them, or of how important they are to you.

10. Take control - if you’re feeling out of control with something, you have two choices to get through it lightly. You can either ride through the storm, with the awareness that all is temporary, “this too shall pass”, responding and reacting as things arise OR you can take a deep breath and take steps to manage the parts of the situation that may be in your control to act on. This might mean a period of discomfort - difficult conversations, having to live more frugally for a time while you put money aside, ending a relationship, working pattern or kicking a habit (or starting one!) - but you will be taking action, and this in itself will bring you back to an awareness that you are steering the ship, with a light but firm touch, rather than being tossed in the waves. 

11. Pause - Absorb this simple truth - worrying about something happening in the future is like paying money on a debt you don’t yet owe. I’m not saying don’t plan for something you definitely know is coming your way, but perhaps do so in a pragmatic, calm way. Hit pause when you feel heavy or overwhelmed, and consider what the cause or causes may be. Take action if it’s necessary and within your control, and recognise where it isn’t and how you can navigate from that place. Recognise that if you’re worrying about something that “might” happen, you’re wasting energy and adding unnecessary weight and worry to your life. 

12. Best till last - Intentionally seek out joy and beauty every single day, and be present in those moments when you find them. This is one of the simplest and sweetest things. When we look for the negative and heavy, there is actually a part of our brain that wants to prove us right, and as it filters out all the input, you’ll notice most what you fixate on. It doesn’t mean that looking for the positive means that your life will only be filled with singing daisies, but believe me, there is magic and beauty around us all the time. Seek it out, look upwards, intentionally seek joy and in those moments of finding it, you’ll also find lightness too.

As I wrote this list, I kept thinking of more to add - and I am weaving this into a very special course called Prepare to Unfurl, which has helped many people already set the foundations for transformation and growth. If you want to know more, click here, or drop me a line. Let me know if this was helpful, and if you have any extra tips for finding lightness in your life.

Why do I practice Yoga - part 1

I used to be a gym bunny, a cardio girl, aerobics, step, running. 

I used to move my body to try to change it.  To find acceptance.  Sometimes to drown out the inner noise.  It’s a boring story, but in all the images I saw around me - whether in the media, or at the schools I went to - all the pretty girls never looked like me. And when I did get attention from the opposite sex, it made me cringe, and brought back negative emotions connected to my past.

Jump forward past years of eating disorder, yoyo dieting, and slow and steady self enquiry…. After a long long time, I came to a place at last of moving my body to celebrate it, to honour it, to release stories, shame, contractions and limiting beliefs about what I should be like as a woman, as a mother, as a partner, as a mixed woman of colour, as someone of a certain age, or going through a certain stage, and so on and so on…. That is just some of my journey that has led me, joyously, to here.

For me, yoga has been a place where judgement and competition were removed, although I know that not everyone feels that way all the time.  I knew that all I needed to do was the listen to my breathing, to move with it, and discover myself along the way. It has been a place to come back to me, to be kind, and to discover. To use one of my favourite words, it really has been a way to unfurl. 

Possibly most importantly though, it has even been a way to DARE to love myself, to ALLOW myself to forgive myself, and to be brave enough to do those things daily, and without apology.

Why I teach is also caught up in some of that.  Moving the body in acceptance and celebration is a huge huge gift, because I discovered that it could eventually translate into how I felt about myself inside, not just outside.  Even without being consciously aware of it at the time, that acceptance began to seep in, and was a vital tool in overcoming demons that plagued me for years.  If I can pass on that gift to others, even in the smallest way, if I can hold a space that lets someone feel good about themselves, then that is all I can hope for.

Thoughts on Letting Go - how easy is it really?

How often have we heard someone say - especially in a yoga class, and maybe I’ve said it myself - “simply let go of what no longer serves you”, or “just get over it” (hopefully not in a yoga class, and definitely not from me!). The reality is that when we are grappling with self-limiting beliefs, old trauma, negative mindsets, or just feeling down in the dumps, it’s never quite as easy as simply letting go, as though you were tossing something into the trash. There’s a whole plethora of things tied up with this.

First of all, the statement “just let go of what no longer serves you” can smack a little of spiritual bypassing. If you’re unfamiliar with that phrase, spiritual bypassing is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks" (taken from Wikipedia).

The suggestion is that whatever someone is holding can simply and easily be released, but makes massive assumptions on what an individual might may be dealing with, minimises their experience or even worse, implies that if you’re not able to “just let go” you are failing, andare actually to blame for not moving forwards in personal development. If you can’t “just release what no longer serves you”, then clearly you are choosing to stay stuck. For me, this is massively unhelpful at best, and at worst, potentially harmful. The last thing someone dealing with painful issues needs is to feel more culpable or a failure for carrying hurt, especially in a yoga class.

In a way, yes, sometimes we do choose to hold on to certain things, because change also invites us into the unknown - better the devil you know - and carries doubt around whether we can move ahead without the familiar load we’ve been carrying. That doesn’t mean that we are failing. We can’t “just let go”, maybe because we aren’t ready yet.

My belief is that, firstly, we cannot let go of something if we don’t know what that something is. We might have a sense of feeling heavy, or sad, or many other things, but until we shine a light into the corner, or fully open up that cupboard, look under the bed and pull that emotion out and name it and see it clearly, we can’t fully identify it. That bit can be quite scary, and we look at it in the second week of the Prepare to Unfurl programme. Once it’s named though, there is a real power in confronting what we carry within - sometimes even this act begins the process of breaking down its hold on us. It’s like, “I see you. I am not scared of you. I see you, and you are no longer in the shadows.”. This part takes doing without emotion, just simple acknowledgement. There’s more, but I’ll come onto that in a moment.

Secondly, we need to come to a place of acceptance and understanding that every single thing in our lives has somehow shaped us. Some things have tested us, challenged us, brought out the best or the worst in us, brought us to the edge of our joy as well as our unhappiness - but every single thing has forced us to show up, and moulded us into who we are. If the lessons have not yet been learnt from that thing, perhaps this is what makes it harder to release it. There may be another energetic shift that’s necessary internally before we are able to let go, and even the decision that might spur you into making an active choice to change a certain behaviour or mindset is instigated by a specific energy.

At this time of year, I love the magic of autumn, as the leaves change colour and are slowly released to the ground. The trees draw their energy inwards, and what they no longer need, they release. It might seem effortless, but perhaps it’s because we are more complicated beings. Even plants though sometimes hold onto things that hinder their growth - that’s when a bit of pruning can allow something to flourish, and the act of pruning is an active one!

Frequently in yoga classes I teach, I tend to suggest that we put as much of what we are holding into big carrier bags or suitcases, and rest them down to give ourselves a break from gripping onto them and lugging it all around. The idea is that the contents aren’t going anywhere, but at the end of practice, when we go out into the world, and have to pick up those bags or suitcases again, hopefully we can carry them slightly differently, change the way we hold them, or maybe begin to take a few things out.

Here’s an exercise to try, to be ABLE to confront what you’re carrying and work out whether it’s time to begin letting go.

A - Acknowledge. Greet yourself - by name - and notice what you are feeling. Allow emotions to rise and imagine a light going on, so that you can clearly look around and see what is there. Calmly say “I SEE YOU -“ and name it.

B - Breathe into it. Accept that the emotion is there, without judging or blaming yourself for its presence. Are there places where your breath can soften a bit, can you breathe fully while acknowledging what is there. Be super gentle!

L - Lovingly, with compassion, but also with strength, ask if it is ready to be released? “XXXX, are you done?” By asking if it’s work is completed, this sends a message that it may be time for the emotion to loosen its grip on you. The most important thing, is that you speak with love, gently, compassionately, but also firmly. You’re not taking any shit! “XXXX, are you done?”

E - Exhale, and repeat 5 times - “XXXX, I release you, you are no longer needed”

After this, lie down for a few moments, or stand with your feet on grass or earth, and visualise whatever you have asked to be released seeping into the ground beneath you. Observe your breathing, and your body. What comes up? Remember that this is the beginnings of a process, so there’s nothing wrong if you don’t feel 100% transformed after. Come back to doing this daily for 5 days, perhaps journalling afterwards to notice how you feel.

When you’re ready to move forwards, when YOU, your spirit is ready - not your ego - then you will, having learnt all you need to, having shone a light into the darkest corners, and acknowledged all that you are, with compassion and love.